I’ve had a little extra think time lately. See, I lost my job three weeks ago. (Talk about ridiculous phrases….”lost my job” – like it slipped between couch cushions, or fell out of a shallow pocket while I was on a walk or was accidentally thrown out with a pile of junk mail.) Sheesh.
Hopefully, we are all thinking most of the time, right? And I’d like to count myself among the thoughtful, but the phenomenon of thinking less about someone else’s purpose (former employer) and more about my own has helped me realize it’s time for an overhaul. I have been seriously negligent and not nearly as thoughtful as I’d like to believe I am – with community, with relationships, and with this wild untamed life of mine that I (still) want to live on purpose.
Granted, the past three years at our house have been a bit wobbly, so my lesser self comes to these admissions and realizations armed with excuses: Maybe it was because of all that we went through with my boy’s cancer journey. Or perhaps it was the job I was heading off to each morning. Maybe it was the child-raising, or wonder of falling in love with my best friend, or the long soccer weekends that caused my downfall. Maybe? Perhaps is was a combination of all of it, or that I’ve simply been a bit of a shit.
Maybe…just maybe, this is life.
People lose touch. They get absorbed in whatever sucks them in, and one day they look up (or get spit out) and humbly realize that things are out of balance.
My other self (more or lesser – I’m not sure which) says, “So what. Here I am, and here it is; time to try something different.” I have some catching up to do. And since there are still bills to pay – I can’t let the moss grow here. But things are changing, and I am grateful to have woken up.