I started to write this reflection on the ten year anniversary. Today marks 19.
Unedited – here is what swirls in the September stew that brews within.
Some day, I’ll clean it up or add a final word. Or I won’t.
“The day the twin towers were struck I made a pot of chicken soup from scratch, ironed every piece of wrinkled linen I could get my hands on, cleaned incessantly – and when all the chores I could muster had been mastered, I went to church.
That sequence has been my path more often than not.
When the whole world is on tilt, I look first for simple things to do that allow me to experience a small sense of control….
And then after reveling in fabricated control and exhausting my mind and body – I surrender it all to the unknown – not because I expect results or answers, but because I feel as though I’ve come to my edge.
Sometimes, the world tilts abruptly – the way it did on September eleventh, while other times it happens slowly…
Maybe one thing shifts out of place, and maybe you even notice the shift, and (perhaps) you say “ok, I’ve got that covered.”
But then something else moves, and then another thing and then another and suddenly, there’s an imbalance that can’t be ignored.
All of a sudden – it’s like you’re standing on one of those rides at the county fair where the wall spins, and your body is strapped into place, and the floor goes on tilt at an angle that no one could ever walk on, and then there is no floor.
And if it weren’t for the speed of the ride, and gravity, and Faith….we’d all just slide to the bottom.”